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Aug
4
Written by:
Bill Bonfanti
8/4/2008 2:46 PM
I was so excited to see Superman fly back into theatres I was like a little kid at Christmas. I rounded up my father and brother, bought our tickets online and headed to the theatre. We were all so psyched to be there and our expectations couldn’t have been higher. The lights dimmed, the familiar Superman theme started up and I was pumped now. I mean pumped. I was about to see the greatest Superman movie ever! But then something strange happened. I started shifting in my seat. I started looking at my watch. I found myself bored. This can’t be happening I thought. How is this not awesome? Needless to say, I left the theatre feeling angry and disappointed. Why has nobody been able to make a great Superman movie since 1980!? The animated series was great. Smallville is top notch. The straight to DVD animated feature Superman vs. Doomsday was incredible. So what’s the problem? Listen, I know Superman Returns is old news but this has been festering inside of me for too long. I need to purge! Especially after seeing The Dark Knight. They rebooted The Batman franchise (shortly before Superman) to resounding success. Everyone is raving over the latest Batman, but let’s not forget to spread the love to Batman Begins as well, itself an amazing movie. So why can’t they reboot Big Blue with the same success?
The latest Superman was in development hell forever. There was a time when Nicolas Cage was set to play Superman (thank god he didn’t). Tim Burton was going to direct at some point. Multiple scripts were written. Kevin Smith wrote a script at one point but it was turned down. I would love to read that because I have a feeling it was probably great. Then again he probably would’ve had Ben Affleck play the Man of Steel and Jason Mewes play Lex Luthor (snoogins Superman). Although Kevin Smith certainly could’ve played Kal Penn’s part as he was essentially playing Silent Bob. Really,the dude didn’t even have one line in the movie. At one point, there was a rumor that Superman was going to wear a black costume and not fly. He wasn’t going to fly, but he would be able to ride on waves of electricity. I’m totally serious. Anyway… none of those versions were ever made.
Then something amazing happened. Bryan Singer (the genius director of the X-Men films, and of course, The Usual Suspects) signed on to direct the next Superman. Every Superman fan in the world was excited about this announcement. With Singer at the helm what could go wrong? Then the news hit that they were casting an unknown to play Supes. Terrific! It worked for Christopher Reeve and it will work again. So long Nic Cage! It is important to note that I am actually a big fan of Mr. Cages, I just don’t think he was right for this. I think he’s a great actor and also an excellent action hero. Whenever Cage teams up with producer Jerry Bruckheimer it’s… well the only thing I can compare it to is, well it’s like when chocolate mixes with peanut butter… it’s always delicious! Back to Superman. Next, they announced that Kevin Spacey was set to play Lex Luthor. Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor! That my friends is inspired casting. As time went by, the news hit that Superman Returns would not be a reboot, but it was going to be a sequel of sorts. It was going to pick up after the events of Superman II. Given, there was already a Superman 3 and 4 from the 80’s, but they were awful. I’ve wondered for 25 years who the genius was that decided to make Superman 3 a comedy costarring Richard Pryor. How can anyone have ever thought that was a good idea!? Anyway the fact that Bryan Singer wanted to essentially remake Superman 3 was more than fine with me. This was all good stuff… so what went wrong?
I’ll tell you what went wrong. There were plot holes the size of China! In making the new, updated Superman 3, they totally ignored the entire plot from Superman II. It’s like they never even saw that movie. Now, in no particular order are the plot flaws. The first thing that struck me as odd was during a flashback. The scene depicts Clark Kent as a boy running as fast as a speeding bullet through the fields of Kent farm. Great scene except he is wearing glasses. Glasses!? Everyone knows that Clark didn’t wear glasses as a boy. He only started wearing glasses as an adult to keep his identity secret. For those of you who don’t remember, Clark Kent gave up his powers in Superman II so that he could have a normal life with Lois. Of course, he gets his powers back and saves the day by the end of that movie. The very last scene of the movie, Superman promises the president of the U.S. that he will always be nearby and never let the country down again. Superman Returns begins with Superman being absent from the Earth for 5 years. What!? Okay, fine… he decided to go see the remains of his home world of Krypton. Which brings us to another flaw. Superman gets his powers from the yellow sun. Krypton has a red sun. Once Superman travels to Krypton, he would lose his powers and die in outer space. I understand that Superman absorbs the yellow sun’s rays and stores them like a battery, but whether it be Duracell or Eveready, I’ve never seen a battery that lasts for 5 years. That aside, let’s move on. I’ve never been one to question the whole secret identity thing. I mean almost anyone who knows Superman and Clark Kent would know that they are the same guy. The glasses wouldn’t really fool anyone… but I’ve always been willing to buy it. What I can’t buy, is that in this movie both Superman and Clark Kent have been gone for 5 years and return on the same day… and no one questions it. Give me a break. Next we come to what is the biggest flaw in the movie, the Lois Lane/Superman relationship. In Superman II, Lois learns that Clark is Superman and they fall in love. Clark gives up his powers and decides to become human so that he and Lois can be together. Upon realizing that the world needs Superman, Clark gets his powers back and knows that he has to end things with Lois. He gives her a final kiss and wipes her memory. She no longer knows that Clark and Supes are one and the same and has no recollection of her romance with Superman. Ok, as stated before, Superman Returns takes place 5 years after those events. Lois now has a 5 year old son. The question is, if Lois doesn’t remember her affair with Clark, who does she think is the father? Does she think it was an immaculate conception or is she a big slut and figures it could be anyone? I don’t know about you, but if I were a woman who got pregnant out of nowhere, I’d be pretty freaked out. Also… if Lois doesn’t remember anything… why is she so mad at Superman for leaving without saying goodbye. She’s acting like a scorned lover… even though she doesn’t remember being in love. Like I said, plot holes the size of China.
I could give you more examples but I think I’ve made my point. So please, if anyone at DC comics or Warner Bros. is reading this… please I beg you… don’t make a sequel to Superman Returns. Just start over. You have decades of great Superman stories at your disposal. Use them!
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5 comment(s) so far...
Re: Superman Returns... and I wish he hadn't
It must help to have low expectations. Let's face it, Big Blue can be a bit dull. He's too... nice. The guy has no darkside (being under the influence of Richard Pryor's dabbling of Kryptonite and Nicotine from the first [dreadful] Superman III not withstanding).
DC even developed a lame arch enemy. Lex Luthor's most frightening moments must have been in the first half of the last century - if he ever had them at all. What's his greatest ambition? "To see the world burn," like the truly distubing Joker in Dark Knight? No. It's beach front property - not the kind of thing that inspires tremors of fear. With the real estate market the way it is these days, he quite possibly could attain his true desire without any cause for chaos. What kind of villain is that?
So going in with low expectations must have helped me. The special effects were great. The characters weren't nearly so goofy or dumb as the '70's/'80's Supermans. Kate Bosworth's Lois Lane not only had more depth than Margot Kidder's, but she was really cute, too. I came out of the theatre bouyed. The movie didn't totally blow! Woo-hoo!
By Ange66 on
8/6/2008 5:28 PM
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plenty of good storylines out there!
One part of your blog hit me... a part that I've never thought of before! I'm a big comics fan, and growing up have been through the batman movies (uuuhg Mr Arnold Freeze) and Supermans earlier, and the one thing that's always bothered me is the Hollywood story treatment... there seems to be a desire to intentionally make a bad plot or somehow make a move as though the superhero storyline doesn't already live in a world of rich storylines that can be redone, revised, etc.
the rich, well done stories in the WB's Superman and Batman series for instance, and other creative stories like Batman Beyond (that takes a character in a new direction w/o offending fans or making a huge mess) show that good writers are the heart of a good franchise. Keep good stories running and we'll keep watching.
So why do Superman Returns the way they did? I certainly appreciated certain nods to Christopher Reeve and Superman 1 such as the SO well done tribute line "i hope this hasn't put any of you off flying... it's really the safest way to travel..."
But the plot was yet another Herro good, conflict builds, invincible superhero looses powers (or strength), gets beaten up viciously by badguys, superhero regains strength, saves day, end of movie. what a BAD formula! if the animated series lived on this in each episode we'd never watch them again.
By rmoore on
8/7/2008 9:38 PM
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Re: Superman Returns... and I wish he hadn't
YOU KNOW I WAS REALLY EXCITED LAST SUMMER WHEN SUPERMAN RETURNS WAS SCHEDLED FOR RELEASE. I WAS HOPING THAT BASED ON THE WAY THEY REVAMPED THE BATMAN FRANCHISE WITH BATMAN BEGINS THAT THE PEOPLEIN CHARGE OF MAKING MOVIES BASED ON DC CHARACTERS WERE FINALLY MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. AFTER READING SOME OF THE COMMENTS MADE BY OTHERS, I HAVE TO AGREE WITH RMOORE, THE WRITING AND THE STORY ARE WHAT MAKE THE MOVIE. WHY CANT WE GIVE THE GUYS THAT WRITE THE ANIMATED SERIES ( SUPERMAN. BATMAN, BATMAN BEYOND AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE JUSTICE LEAGUE ) A SHOT? I UNDERSTAND THAT MOST PEOPLE LOOK AT SUPERMN AND SAY BOOOOOOOOOOOOORING! HOWEVER YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT. THE MOST FASCINATING THING ABOUT SUPERMAN , AT LEAST IN MY HUMBLE OPINION , IS HERE IS A GUY WITH ALL THE POWER AND ABILITIES THAT YOU AND I AS COMIC BOOK GEEKS FANTASIZE ABOUT HAVING ALL THE TIME, BUT WE NEVER SEE THE EXPLORATION OF THE STRESS THAT HAVING THESE POWERS CAN BRING. THE THING THAT MAKES SUPERMAN SO SUPER IS NOT THE GOD LIKE STATUS THAT HIS GIFTS GIVE HIM, ITS THE FACT THAT WITH ALL THAT POWER HE ACTUALLY USES HIS POWERS TO MAKE HIS ADOPTED PLANET A BETTER PLACE. WHAT WE SHOULD SEE IN TERMS OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE STRESS THIS PUTS ON CLARK KENT. LETS FACE IT IF ANY OF US HAD THESE FANTASTIC TALENTS WE CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE AS SELFLESS, MOST IF US WOULD DEFINITELY USE THEM TO GET AHEAD. " OH YOUR CATS STUCK IN A TREE? SURE I'LL HELP YOU OUT KID ...THAT WILL BE $250 BUCKS". WHAT KIND OF PRESSURE IS PUT UPON A MAN WHO IS EXPECTED BECUASE OF THE POWERS HE HAS , TO BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME. HOW DOES IT AFFECT HIM PERSONALLY? DOES HE HAVE DAYS WHEN HE WANTS TO JUST MAIL IT IN? THAT IS THE WAY TO MAKE SUPERMAN AN INTERSTING MORE IDENTIFIABLE CHARACTER. THE REASON I THINK PEOPLE LOVE BATMAN SO MUCH IS BECAUSE HE IS JUST A MAN. WE CAN ACCEPT THAT HOWEVER UNLIKELY IT IS THAT SOMEONE WOULD PUT THEMSELVES IN HARMS WAY TO CLEAN UP A CITY BY THEMSELVES, ULTIMATELY IT IS POSSIBLE. THE TWO SIDES OF BRUCE WAYNE ARE SO CLEARLY DIVIDED THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE THEMSELVES IN BATMAN. ITS A TOUGH TASK WITH SUPERMAN , BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE'D ALL LOVE TO BE ABLE TO FLY AND WHAT NOT, THE PROBLEM IS THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL , IT COULD EVER HAPPEN. THATS WHY YOU NEED TO EXAMINE THE CLARK KENT PERSONA...COULD ANY OF YOU HANDLE THE PRESSURE DAY IN DAY OUT OF BEING SUPERMAN? MAYBE BUT THE POINT IS THIS , UNTIL THEY REVAMP THE CHARACTER AND TAKE A LOOK MORE INTO THE PERSON THAT IS SUPERMAN, WE ARE STILL GOING TO HAVE THESE HO HUM CONTRIVED PLOTS.AND IN RESPONSE TO ANGE66'S COMMENTS ON LEX LUTHOR, I WOULD SUGGEST YOU WATCH THE LAST FEW SEASONS OF JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED AND THEN TELL ME WHAT AN UNINSPIRING VILLIAN HE IS. GETTING BACK TO MY POINT. IF THE CARTOON WRITERS CAN UNDERSTAND THE MOTIVATIONS OF THE CHARACTERS SO WELL, THEN WHY DONT WE GIVE THEM A SHOT AT DOING THE BIG FEATURE FILMS? BRUCE TIMM ...YOU OUT THERE? PLEASE HELP...AND LET ANDREA ROMANO DO THE CASTING AS WELL. UNTIL ALL THESE THINGS OCCUR I THINK WE CAN JUST EXPECT MORE OF THE SAME FROM THE SUPERMAN FRANCHISE. SUPERMAN 2 WAS THE BEST OF THE BUNCH BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY DELVED INTO THE PRESSURES THAT CLARK HAS ON HIM TO BE SUPERMAN. ITS TIME TO GET BACK ON TRACK, BECAUSE WHILE I LOVED SUPERMAN 2 ...LETS FACE IT IT WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG , AND FAIRLY CHEESY...AND I PROMISE YOU SUPERMAN IS SO MUCH MORE.
By KALEL716 on
8/19/2008 12:36 PM
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Re: Superman Returns... and I wish he hadn't
I had my share of problems with Superman Returns myself. Mainly, it was just too damn dull and full of itself. I suppose, this is not exactly constructive criticism but I still think it's valid. Just the whole idea of ignoring the third film was beyond pompous and ego-driven to me. Yeah, it was a shitty film but it happened so deal with it. If you're so damn talented, Brian Singer-why didnt you find a way to crawl out of Superman 4 and make a kick ass 5? That would show some true skills if you ask me. Also..I'm tired of Lex Luthor and his cinematic shenanigans. Superman needs to fight someone his own and size and strength. I want some insane battle in the skies. C'mon, admit it...all of you wanted that too. Bring on Doomsday or even Brainiac for christ's sake.
By mhendra on
9/7/2008 11:02 PM
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Re: Superman Returns... and I wish he hadn't
I agree. With todays special effect, they should have Superman battle someone who's powerful. Maybe even Darkseid. I mean really, this is supposedly the most expensive movie ever made. It had like three big action pieces and they weren't that spectacular. Where did all the money go?
By abbi4428 on
9/18/2008 8:42 PM
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